Childcare!!! Oh the woes of parenthood....

Being a first time mother is difficult. What's more difficult is finding childcare services that are adequate enough to allow the parent(s) to keep their sanity!!!  I was fortunate enough to stay home for three whole months with my precious angels, Cassie & Alaina before returning to work.  Within that time, I grew extremely attached to my children (as I'd hope all parents do anyway); likewise, my children became attached.  I knew I had to allow someone that they would love to love and take care of them.  A good friend of mine's mother, whom the girls call Aunt, kept them until they were almost a yr old and until she found a job at St. Al's Daycare.  Well the search for a good daycare commenced and the girls ended up going to MLC.  I knew then the journey of parenthood was never going to be a smooth ride but I was hoping it wouldn't be so stressful! :) What was I thinking!!!  MLC turned out to be a bad choice for my children.  There was too much drama going on with teachers and incidents that needed to be addressed by the local Health Department and corrected by the facility.  Anyway, I ended up taking the girls to St. Al's daycare to be with their previous babysitter since the girls missed her and she missed them.   All was great at St. Al's til this year when the daycare director decided it was a great idea to split Cassie & Alaina up into different classes.  I shouldn't have ever agreed, though I'm doubting I ever had a say at this point, to the split.  I thought maybe it would be good for them to form their separate identities and to learn to miss each other so they don't fuss so much with each other at home.

There is a reason or two for keeping TWINS or multiples together!!!  It is unhealthy for one.  Cassie started acting out afterall she had a brand new (HORRIBLE) teacher, new children, and no sister!  Cassie has always been a free and high spirited child; that's her personality.  Alaina is more reserved, a content, soft spoken  child; that's her personality.  Both will let you know when something doesn't go their way, but Cassie makes sure of it in her own way.  Cassie is vocal and animated.  Well, I start to notice Cassie's behavior at home has turned to a very clingy whiny one.  Both the girl's potty training efforts have slimmed to non-existent. Both girls are crying for me not to leave them at daycare...flashbacks of MLC come flooding back.  I started to worry about Cassie moreso than Alaina because Alaina was with a familiar teacher and familiar kids and wasn't acting out in class.  I should've known when I got a note from Cassie's teacher the first day saying Cassie bit a child that it was not going to work out with the girls being a part.  Cassie has never been a biter; Alaina has always been my biter that I had to worry about and work with to get to stop biting. 

Parents have instincts; we should always pay attention to them, analyze them, and use the clues and knowledge we have to figure out why we have these gut feelings that something isn't right.  The satisfaction of knowing my kids were in good hands immediately disappeared.  The next week after getting the note, other notes followed with such things as Cassie pushed and pulled hair, Cassie slapped the teacher's aide in the face for not wanting her diaper changed, & Cassie had a bad day & I couldn't calm her at all.  I noticed Cassie and Alaina weren't doing the same activities during the day.  For example, I'd get color sheets or a craft from Alaina daily yet I seldom received anything from Cassie's class.  Things were adding up.  Something was WRONG!!!  I needed to make sure Cassie was okay and if she wasn't, I would do my best to make it okay for her.  I love my children and it saddens me to know some parents drop their kids off with strangers never doubting if they are okay or not (this is a whole new blog in the making!).

I wrote a letter to the Director requesting that Cassie & Alaina be put back together.  I pointed out the behavior changes at home & at daycare.  My request was denied for reasons including that Cassie & Alaina fight way too much, it takes too much time to handle them, Cassie is overly aggressive to the teachers and children, etc.  I was called to pick Cassie up but after talking to the Director, it was decided that we would see if Cassie felt better after lunch and a nap.

Obviously Cassie didn't feel good.  I was told that she had to be fed in order to get her to eat.  My children have been using utensils since they were 9 months old; they have mastered the feeding themselves bit.  It occurred to me that I had the right to go over the Director's head to consult with the Principal.  After picking the girls up the day Cassie acted out profusely, I went back to St. Al's to talk to the principal.  I pointed out that I was told by the Director, Cassie sat in timeout ALL day, that she is violent and won't listen, that she didn't want her pull-up changed, that she didn't want to eat unless someone fed her.  All of this behavior had to be Cassie trying to tell everyone she was not happy where she was--away from the familiar and most importantly her twin sister!!!

The principal had already been briefed about the situation and urged me to give it two more weeks to see if Cassie would adjust.  I let her know I didn't appreciate my child being strapped in a timeout chair that she could pick up and slam on the floor because she didn't want to be in it.  I also let her know that it didn't make any sense whatsoever to allow kids to PLAY in the timeout chairs and to expect them to know the difference when they are strapped in it when they are being punished (A few days before Cassie's ultimate outburst, I saw that Alaina and Cassie both where strapped in timeout and found that Alaina was playing in the timeout chair & had locked herself in the timeout chair for FUN!!).  To allow children to play in a punishment device then expect them to learn to act right by strapping them in it, is not going to be effective at all.  The principal agreed but that was about it.  I was told that the Director had been very nice about the whole deal and that St. Al's had never had these type of issues before (behavioral issues).

I know that is a lie.  My kids can't be the only two year-olds that throw temper tantrums, bite, kick, scream, run away and hide, hit, slap, and pull hair.  I may be a first time mother, but I'm nowhere near being an idiot.  The fact that I have read many articles about the terrible twos, behavioral issues, and such prior to this happening is a sure way of knowing my kids aren't abnormal at least compared to the thousands of studies that have been done over time. But to suggest Cassie is an exception, a unique kind of child whose behavior has never been experienced before is about as much proof that the school is oblivious to any kind of normalcy in individualism of children.  So what, Cassie isn't the cookie cutter perfect child that all other kids are being betrayed as being.... that is rubbish & bullshit.

After finishing up the conversation with the principal, I noticed Cassie's teacher, whom I'd only met once and wasn't impressed with the introduction since she failed to make eye contact (this was my first clue that I should keep and eye and ear open).  I didn't feel comfortable not knowing Cassie's teacher to begin with and the fact that I never saw her, either in the morning when I dropped the girls off or when I picked them up in the evenings.  What kind of adult working in a daycare facility doesn't have enough professionalism to make eye contact with the mother of one of the children that you are keeping during the day?  That's rude!

Anyway, I stopped to talk to her.  I wanted to see what kind of a person she was, what answers she could provide to my concerns about Cassie, and anything else I could find out.  For the second time around being in her company, I wasn't impressed.  She immediately assumed I stopped to talk to her about a situation that happened earlier where she was rude to Cassie's teacher from last year for coming to get Cassie's napmat and it wasn't at all.  I wasn't involved in their situation but I wanted to know how many times Cassie sits in timeout per day, what she's put in timeout for in the first place, and things of that nature.

I was told by this so called teacher that Cassie only is put in timeout two to three times a day for only two minutes at a time.  Cassie is put in timeout for taking toys or for doing anything that is against good calm behavior. When questioned why Cassie isn't being told not to take a toy and then demonstrating the correct behavior by giving the toy back to the child it was taken from, she caught an attitude and went on a tyrant about she does what they (assuming she meant the director and principal) tell her to do and that's how they do things there.  She went on without me saying another word to boast we can talk to the director right now if I wanted to & to that type of attitude, I said I guess we better talk to her then.  So we did.  What became of this meeting was that I copped an attitude in response to her attitude.  I let the Director know I didn't like her attitude, I understood why my child was acting out, and that if I was Cassie, I probably wouldn't like being in her class either.  I let her know I didn't appreciate Cassie being put in timeout for everything; I thought it wasn't effective to put her in timeout since the kids are allowed to play in it.  Cassie isn't correlating what the timeout chair is being used for during punishment times; it's purpose isn't clear due to the confusion of this chair being a toy during other times of the day.

The teacher ended up leaving because she didn't want to hear what I had to say and honestly, I was glad she left.  I was sick of seeing her face and wasn't going to be talked down to any longer; I guess she couldn't take what she dished out--attitude.  I should've kept my cool and I usually keep my feelings to myself for the most part.  I may not smile or speak, but I am usually not so vocal about things.  That day was not one of those days.  I was fed up.  I had brought my concerns to the attention of three individuals who assumed Cassie had a problem; both the director and the principal hinted around that perhaps Cassie needed medication.  At this time, this is not the case at all.

I took Cassie to the doctor the next day.  She had tonsillitis and pink eye!!!  Poor baby was sick!!!  No one told me she had fever but then again, if she's been fighting to get out of the timeout chair all day, I don't think anyone could've known the difference in heat from fighting and heat from a feverish illness.  Cassie hasn't been back to say the least.  I asked the opinion of the Dr and her response was twins usually aren't split up until much later in life and only if they want to; she suggested Cassie's behavior was very likely due to all the changes occurring and that she would take Cassie & Alaina out of the daycare of at all possible if my request to have them put in the same class were denied again.

From another witness at the daycare, Cassie has been seen tipping over and hitting her head while in timeout.  Cassie's teacher didn't like the twins' previous teacher coming in to help with Cassie when she was upset.  In my opinion, that was warranted that another teacher Cassie was familiar with would be able to calm her down.  It was also told to me that Alaina's teacher had health problems and this was the real reason they didn't want Cassie & Alaina in the same class.  I adore Alaina's teacher and I refuse to believe that she wouldn't want both of my kids in her class.  I think she would've been good for them.  I think she could've taught Cassie & Alaina to fight less, to share more, and to fuss less overall.

Perhaps I have the wrong assumption about daycare.  I was under the assumption that my children were in a learning environment where they would be taught how to act as well as other educational things while I was at work doing all I can to make a paycheck in order to pay this teacher with an attitude (Cassie's teacher) and the other great teacher (Alaina's teacher) to provide a nurturing learning environment conducive to molding my children into model students that would prove to be successful in the 3 yr old class next year.  My hopes have been crushed.  Now the girls are with their Grandma Carlisle until I can figure out what I am going to do.  I wish I could stay home and raise my kids; I'm confident I can teach them all they need to know to prepare them for kindergarten but alas I do not have the luxury to be a stay at home mom.  I am confident everything will work out because I am a strong believer in the saying 'everything happens for a reason'.

Another major difference in Cassie's behavior at home included her having night terrors.  She'd had them once a week since she started 2 yr old daycare.  Even before the parent teacher incident, I had decided I needed to take Cassie to the pediatrician to see why she was having these night terrors.  I have several videos of Cassie in different temper tantrums.  Most notably was one that happened the Tuesday before I took Cassie & Alaina out of daycare.  Cassie started screaming so I ran to her bed and picked her up so that I could take her out of the room to avoid her waking Alaina up.  Well, I shouldn't have picked Cassie up because I roused her which in turn scared Cassie to the point she was screaming and running around the living room saying no, no, no...and wouldn't let anyone touch her.  She would push and hit for you to leave her alone.  I showed this video to the pediatrician  and without voicing my concerns about her behavior at that point, he stated that was a temper tantrum, a good ole temper tantrum.  And to my concerns about her temper tantrums, he stated that her temper tantrums are normal.  He stated Cassie is seeking attention and reacting to the changes that have happened at daycare and being away from her sister.  He said it would be best to have them put back in the same class.  However, since I had already done that, he congratulated me and said that could be the best thing I could've done for Cassie.  It's obvious she wasn't happy with things at daycare and if the daycare isn't accommodating to a paying customer, there will continue to be a problem with Cassie's behavior.  He suggested I start a reward system and that positive reinforcement is likely to benefit Cassie's behavior.  He assured me she is normal; two year olds and into three year olds and up have behavioral issues with hitting, pushing, biting, and especially throwing temper tantrums.  What a relief it was to know Cassie didn't need medication to be happy or calm; all she needs is someone or some people to work with her on her behavioral issues.  She needs LOVE and ATTENTION and other things Alaina was already getting at home and daycare whereas Cassie only received all of those things at home.

Being a twin, Cassie doesn't get all of the attention; of course, Alaina requires attention too.  Lately I haven't been able to give Alaina all the attention I want to give her.  Cassie is smart; she can count to ten and if you start the ABCs, she can finish them without missing a beat.  Alaina is right behind Cassie and it takes Alaina a little extra sometimes to outwardly express herself.

In summary, parenthood is never boring, always full of happenings that make life worthwhile and sometimes dreadful!

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog.  This is my very first attempt at blogging.  I'm inspired to share with others my life experiences whether it's happy, sad, disappointing, unnerving, etc.  So, let me get started by telling you a little bit about myself.  I'm almost 30, a single mother of twin girls, and currently without a home of my own.  Life is stressful, but my stressful life can't be more unique than anyone else's.  I work my fingers to the bone trying to provide for my family.  I work full time and extra on the side.  Ends seem to never meet.  Okay, enough about that for now. 

I plan to vent about daily happenings to get frustrations out before it affects my health....if it hasn't already!

I'm tempted to make my blog private but would like to have other people's input or opinions when they see fit.  I am scared to death that this blog is going to get way too personal; I am a semi-private person and don't let everyone know the whole story most of the time.  I only let people know just the tip of the iceberg!