Frustration

I'm most definitely frustrated about this so called relationship that has whittled itself to a seemingly non-existent state.  I don't know what to do about it anymore. I honestly don't feel like I've ever been in a relationship with him (sans the children that will unfortunately attach us by that parental bond).  He has never stood up to be the man he needs to be (for me).  I do everything to make sure our children have the best of everything (which of course isn't the only important thing in making our relationship work), but it goes unappreciated.  I have done all that I can think of to make things better for US, yet I am the one that is always in the wrong because I choose to fill my time with events to pass the empty time available when I am not working (I work a lot to try to provide for the girls and to help my disabled mother); it is not enough.  Everything has to be HIS way; my way is well, MY way and insufficient for him.  I ask him to come see the girls and me, but if it's not exactly when and how he wants it, then it might have well have not been mentioned.  To get to this point where I would rather just have him give his rights up than to have to deal with his whiny, accusative, criticizing, ungrateful being any longer.  Alas, it is not in any way fair for the children who love him.  I used to love him until he always accussed me of having wrong intentions in everything I did.  If I chose to WORK extra so that I could pay bills and childcare, I obviously had a man on the side that I spent time with instead.  If I chose to bite my fingernails, it must be because another man has demanded I cut them.  If I chose to cut my hair, it certainly was because another man wished to kiss my neck.  WTH!!! 
If anyone really knows me, they must know that I am a very independent person who will strive for the better and do what it takes to handle my business on all counts.  I do not wait for someone's schedule to open up for me; I fill in my schedule and if by chance the desire to be with me strikes him and it is on his terms, then we can be together.  Efforts to make a date with him have been useless although he says it's me who never makes time for him, but have I not had made several recent attempts to satisfy his need to be with him then I would have to say it was my fault we are never together.  Had he not pushed me away on many many occasions for his so-called sake of keeping his sanity because it was I who pushed him away with WORK, TAKING CARE OF KIDS, EDUCATING MYSELF, and WORKING some more.  He says I don't make an effort to be around his family; well, that would be entirely true.  Who wants to be around people who would TAKE money from their son thereby directly taking food out of their grandchildren's mouths or prevent their son from buying a much needed vehicle that works smoothly or by charging me to keep their own freaking grandkids!!!  Whose family would bite the hand that fed them if it meant appearing strong and mighty in the eyes of others and would demean the very person that gave so much to them with love in their hearts for their other children/grandchildren.  I can't be around people that I don't feel comfortable around; I don't do it and I won't do it for the sake of mending an already deteriorating relationship that is bound to never regain its vibrancy.  Enough is enough.  The mental anguish is not worth it; however, my children's well-being (because they do love their father, rightly so) is not worth defying the natural order of life's learned lessons.  This blog could go on about the past, but I am more concerned with the future.  I must find a way to live amongst the unlikeable and to swallow my pride for the sake of my children.  Tolerance is truly the key.  Blah...